Not Just Another Day

 Have you ever finally worked up the courage to talk about something that’s been bothering you, only to have the conversation turned around on you? You bring up an issue because you want to be heard and understood, but instead of discussing it, the focus shifts to something you did weeks or even months ago that was never mentioned until that moment. Suddenly, the original issue is forgotten, and your feelings are left unresolved. After a while, it starts to feel like your feelings don’t matter because they were never truly heard in the first place.

I honestly believe that if he really listened to what I was saying and tried to understand how I feel, we wouldn’t keep having the same arguments over and over again. At the core of it, my feelings are hurt because I don’t feel like he puts effort into us. The woman he says he loves often feels like an afterthought. I spend so much time and energy trying to make him feel loved, appreciated, and happy. I think about the little things, plan special moments, and go out of my way to show him how much he means to me. Yet so often, I don’t even get a simple thank you. Sometimes I don’t think he realizes how much thought, time, and effort go into the things I do for him.

I’m not asking for grand gestures. I’m asking to feel loved and appreciated. I want him to tell me he loves me and show it every now and then. On our wedding anniversary, I wrote a heartfelt post celebrating our marriage. He didn’t write anything, didn’t comment, and didn’t even like my post. It felt like our anniversary was just another ordinary day. If the day we promised our lives to each other isn’t special, then how am I supposed to feel special?

I even wrote him a letter and read it out loud on our anniversary, fighting back tears as I thanked him for making so many of my dreams come true. When I finished, he hugged me and said, “I love you.” While those words are meaningful, I wanted more. I wanted him to open up, to tell me he was happy to be my husband, that he loved being married to me, or simply share how he felt. Instead, I got the same three words I hear every day.

For Father’s Day, the kids wanted to surprise him with concert tickets. I spent a lot of money and put a lot of effort into creating a weekend centered around the things he loves. Since he needed to adjust his work schedule, I had to tell him about the concert ahead of time, but I asked him to pretend to be surprised when the kids told him. Instead, he started dropping hints to his son that he already knew. He thought it was funny. I found it hurtful. We went out of our way to make him feel special, and the one thing I asked of him was to let the kids have that moment. He couldn’t even do that.

I spent nearly $2,000 on a weekend filled with things he enjoys—Morgan Wallen, fishing, and plans for Topgolf or bowling. Everything was chosen with him in mind. I wasn’t trying to impress him with fancy dinners or expensive gifts. I simply wanted him to feel loved and celebrated. Yet I never even got a thank you.

By Sunday, he didn’t want to do anything. That hurt too, because my kids barely got any time with him. They wanted to make memories with their dad on Father’s Day, and instead, the weekend seemed to end without them getting to do anything with him.

I put so much effort into making the people I love feel special. I want them to know they matter. I want them to feel appreciated. Father’s Day isn’t just another day to me, and neither is our anniversary. Those moments matter because the people I love matter. Sometimes I just wish the same thoughtfulness and effort that I give so freely would be given back to me.

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