The Heart Behind It All

 We make love With the lights turned off, Wrapped in shadows That hide more than our skin. The room is quiet. The movements familiar. And when it's over, I wonder if you felt What I was searching for. Sometimes it feels Like we're simply checking a box— A habit, A routine, Something to finish Before we roll over and fall asleep. But then... There are the nights When the light stays on. Those are the nights I remember. Because I can see you. I can watch your eyes meet mine. I can see the smile You don't even realize you're wearing. I can watch the man I love Enjoy being close to me. And somehow, Everything changes. The distance disappears. The silence feels warm. The room no longer feels empty. It's as if we're no longer just sharing our bodies... We're sharing ourselves. For so much of my life, Sex never meant love. It was just something that happened. Something I gave away Without ever giving my heart. But you changed that. With you, Sex became trust. It be...

 If only you could see yourself Through the eyes that look at you each day, You would never question where my heart belongs, Or wonder if it could ever stray. Before you, I knew what love looked like. Or at least I thought I did. But loving you taught me There was a depth I'd never lived. You became the answer To prayers I had stopped praying. The dream I never thought I'd reach, The home my heart was craving. I love the life we've built together— The laughter filling every room, The ordinary moments made extraordinary Simply because they're spent with you. I love hearing your voice across the house. I love seeing you with our family. I love planning tomorrow, Knowing you're standing beside me. So many dreams I once believed Were never meant for me Now greet me every morning Because you became my reality. You don't always see it. Sometimes you think my heart is somewhere else. Sometimes you question my intentions Or search for meanings that were never there. If ...

 I keep asking myself the same question: why does it seem like every relationship I'm in eventually has an issue with my friends? With my ex, I understood why. He was controlling. He wanted to control every aspect of my life, and that included who I spent time with. He didn't want me to have close friendships, especially with men, because isolating me meant he had more control over me. But this feels different. When my husband and I first started dating, he wasn't a fan of my friend Josh because they had gotten into an argument one night, and Josh had previously had feelings for me. Eventually, they worked through it, and that became a non-issue. Now it's Hags. My husband has known Hags since the beginning of our relationship. He was in our wedding. We've gone out to dinner together. He's come over to our house to play games. There was never a problem in 3 years. Until recently. The best way I can describe Hags is that he's like the annoying little brother y...

 My relationship with my dad has always been complicated, so I guess the only way to tell this story is to start from the beginning. When I was a little girl, I was 100% a daddy's girl. I wanted to do everything with him. He took me paintballing, bowling, fishing, taught me how to ride a bike, shoot a gun, and play softball. He showed me how to mow the lawn, change the oil in a car, and fix things around the house. We never just sat around doing nothing. There was always an adventure waiting. Every day I would wait by the window for my dad to come home from work. He was my favorite person. When my parents divorced, I was only 5 years old. I didn't fully understand what was happening. All I knew was that we moved over an hour away from my dad, and my mom took everything when she left. I remember going to my dad's house on the weekends. The house we had once lived in together was almost empty. There was barely any furniture left. Even as a little girl, I remember looking at h...

 There was a time when going to bed was my favorite part of the day. It wasn't because I was tired—it was because I knew it meant uninterrupted time with my husband. Just the two of us. We would crawl into bed and spend time talking about our day, laughing about random things, cuddling, kissing, and just enjoying being together. Sometimes we'd roll over and fall asleep, and sometimes that closeness would naturally lead to sex. No matter what happened, I always felt connected to him. That was when were the closest we have ever been.  Now, I dread bedtime. We walk into the bedroom, the lights go off almost immediately, we exchange a quick "Good night. I love you," and then I lie there waiting to hear him start snoring. How is it possible to spend every single day with the person you love—from the moment he gets home from work until the moment he leaves again the next morning—and still feel so incredibly alone? How can I miss my husband so much when he's lying right ...